


I Am Thou, Thou Art I

by Monokarhu



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series, 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Bodyswap, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monokarhu/pseuds/Monokarhu
Summary: When Kay and Teddie jokingly try a curse they find on an ancient website, it actually works and they end up swapping bodies. It's a lot of good-natured fun... until they realize they can't swap back! Will they have to stay like this forever? Will Teddie continue eating way too much even in someone else's body? Will Kay have a mental breakdown when she realizes she has to go to the bathroom? Find out the answers and more in this fic right here.
Relationships: Ichijou Mikumo | Kay Faraday/Kuma | Teddie (Persona Series)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. Alter Your Existence

One fine Saturday afternoon, Teddie was lying on Kay's bed, staring idly at the ceiling and munching on chips, while she was slouched over her laptop, intensely scouring through dozens of websites about all kinds of occult phenomena in order to find some funny ritual they could perform together as a joke. Teddie didn't quite understand Kay's obsession with the supernatural, but he cheered her on anyway.

"Find anything neat yet?", he asked her before stuffing another handful of chips into his mouth. She swiveled her chair around and looked at Teddie in disappointment.

"Nope," she replied before sighing deeply. "They're either boring or they require a dozen bars of gold, a live trout, and an orchestra. What happened to the good old days of 'write down your name fifty times and eat the paper to get better test scores', huh?"

Teddie swallowed the mush of chips he had been chewing on and rose into a sitting position. He then shook the bag of chips, looked inside it, and extended it towards Kay.

"Maybe these will make you feel bear-ter," he told her with a beaming smile on his face. She took the bag and shook it upside-down over her palm to reveal a whopping five chips.

"You shouldn't have," she truthfully told him before picking up one chip and planting it on her tongue. "Sour cream and onion truly is the pinnacle of chip flavors, isn't it?"

"Maybe if we're talking about stuff you can buy at Junes," Teddie responded haughtily. "Some of the super-rare flavors I've tasted are so good they'd knock you out!"

"How about you actually let me taste them for once, then?", she replied in a jokingly aggrieved tone. "You keep telling me about how wonderful they are, but I've never even _seen_ one!"

"That's because they're like treasure to me, but if you insist...", Teddie said before sticking his right hand into his left sleeve. "Not that... or that... or that... ah, here we go!", he exclaimed before pulling something out. He then pointed the object at Kay. "Here you go. Treat it well," he whispered in a wistful tone while looking the other way. Kay stared at the object — which turned out to be a singular chip — blankly for a moment before turning her gaze towards Teddie.

"Did... Did you seriously keep that in your sleeve all this time?", she asked him incredulously.

"Yeah!", he answered with such innocent glee that Kay simply couldn't refuse. She took the chip from his hand, looked at it for another moment, and put it into her mouth.

"Hmm... mmm... hey, this _is_ excellent! What flavor is it?", she asked. Teddie kept looking the other way and started scratching the back of his head.

"Uhh... I don't... remember...", he mumbled.

"Oh, so it's one of those weird foreign flavors, huh? Got it," she responded. "Anyway, time for a deep dive!"

"A what?", Teddie asked before walking over to her desk and sitting on the footstool reserved exclusively for him (or Kay's feet when he wasn't around).

"That's what I call searching for _really_ old websites. I'm talking positively _ancient_. They often have some really weird stuff on them, and that's precisely what I'm looking for," she told him before opening a website that looked too tacky for GeoCities. "This is the Chamber of Quandaries, a link aggregation site someone made in the mid-nineties. There are so many links to all kinds of wacky sites here, and those wacky sites lead to even wackier sites, and it just keeps going. Get what I mean?", she asked before looking at Teddie, whose expression very much signalled 'no'. "Don't worry," she said before kissing him on the cheek. "I'll love you even if you don't know what 'aggregation' means."

"We truly make a great team, don't we?", Teddie pondered while caressing his cheek. "You know what big words mean, and I... I..."

"Have snacks?", Kay interjected.

"Yeah, that's it," Teddie responded before pulling out a box of Plocky from his pocket. "Want some?"

"Just shove 'em in my mouth. I have to focus on my mission, or we'll never get anywhere," she told him while slouching over her laptop and clicking on things so fast he had no idea what was going on.

"It's always been my dream to shove something in a girl's mouth!", Teddie proclaimed gleefully. Kay didn't stop her clicking frenzy, but she did very briefly side-eye him.

"You should probably specify that you're talking about food," she told him in a flat tone. Teddie tilted his head and looked at her in confusion.

"Why?", he asked as innocently as one possibly could. "What else would I put there?"

"I'll tell you... later," Kay replied flatly while still not averting her eyes from the laptop. "Anyway, check some of these sites out. They're _amazing_ , and I use that word _very_ ironically." He leaned against her shoulder, put a Plocky stick into her mouth, and took a proper look at the screen.

"Ancient Russian folk curses, huh? Are those good?", he asked.

"If you want exceptionally hairy legs, sure," she replied, causing him to wince. "I think we're looking for something a bit more... fantastical, though."

As she quickly jumped from site to site, they were both amused and horrified by the awful font choices, the auto-playing MIDI music, the eye-searing backgrounds, and the grainy GIFs of merrily dancing skeletons and zombies. Half the sites had 'UNDER CONSTRUCTION' banners on them, and the other half looked like their creators didn't even know what 'construction' meant.

After about ten minutes of intense searching, she finally found her ideal site. The site's name, 'REAL CURSE'S BEWARE OF THESE!!', was written to look like smeared blood, the background was a jumbled collage of photos of dirty Halloween masks, the font was dark purple Comic Sans, and the general quality of the writing was so awful that it almost rivaled Teddie's text messages.

"Let's see...", she mumbled as she slowly scrolled down a list of sub-pages for different kinds of so-called curses. "Plagues... Rotting... Subduance, though I don't think that's a real word... Sound-related curses... Ah, here we go," she said before placing the cursor over a link that said 'BODILY SHIFT'S'. Upon clicking it, she was taken to a completely different, almost professional-looking site called 'Alter Your Existence'. It had sub-pages for all kinds of 'adjustments', ranging from losing weight to changing one's bust size.

"Click that one!", Teddie yelped as he pointed at the latter one. Kay looked at him and half-jokingly considered a suplex.

"Got something to complain about?", she asked him in an acerbic tone.

"No, but you know what they say; bigger is better!", he proclaimed. Kay turned back to the laptop.

"I guess that's good enough of an answer to avoid the wrestling maneuvers for now," she mumbled while examining the site.

"What?"

"Nothing. Anyway, here's a category for stuff that affects multiple people. Should be something good here. Hmmmm... ah, perfect!", she exclaimed before clicking a link labeled 'Bodyswap'.

The page contained a simple pictorial guide on how to perform the titular ritual. Kay quickly read the instructions, slammed the laptop shut before Teddie could even properly read the first part, and dug out a container of salt from one of her drawers. She then carefully formed a salt circle on the floor while Teddie watched curiously.

"Come on in," she told him after stepping inside the circle. "I can't swap bodies alone, can I?" After a moment of consideration, he carefully stepped inside the circle with great hesitation.

"D-Don't get me wrong, I don't think this is actually going to work or a-a-anything like that," he stammered while shaking a lot.

"I believe you," she lied. "Now then, the steps. First, I need to grab you and you need to grab me," she said before grabbing his shoulders with both her hands. He did the same to her. "Next, I need to recite some Latin. I hope my pronunciation is good enough," she continued before saying a lot of words that Teddie didn't understand.

"Wow! How'd you remembear all that?", Teddie asked in awe.

"I've always been pretty good at remembering things. For example, I remember that you owe me precisely three favors," she said with a menacing smile on her face, causing him to shrink back in fear. "Anyway, there's one more step, and it's my favorite."

"W-What's that?", Teddie asked, shaking even more than before. Kay pulled him an inch away from herself and stared into his fearful eyes.

"A kiss, of course!", she declared before planting her lips on his. However, before either of them could enjoy the act, the whole world went dark.


	2. Why Are You Me? I'm Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay has a bout of bone dysphoria, while Teddie continues to be Teddie.

After briefly dreaming about a talking frog, Kay woke up on the floor and slowly opened her drowsy eyes. As her blurry vision began to focus on what was in front of her — namely, her own reflection — she couldn't help but wonder when she had bought a horizontal mirror. After having a brief staring contest with herself, she decided to do what any sensible person would; poke the mirror to see if it was real. Upon firmly planting her finger in the reflection's eye, she was quite surprised when it receded with an "ow".

"What'd you do _that_ for?", her reflection inquired in an upset tone while holding its eye in pain. As Kay continued staring at what _probably_ wasn't actually her reflection, the gears in her mind turned and churned as they slowly but surely arrived at the obvious — though absurd — conclusion.

"I, uh, thought you were a mirror. Sorry," she apologized while staring at the hand she had just used to poke Teddie's face. It was distinctly gloveless. "So... it worked, huh."

"Indeed!", Teddie responded brightly while still rubbing his* eye. "I'm you! And you're me! Or something like that."

* _Author's note: For the sake of clarity, the story refers to each body (part) as if it truly belongs to the person inhabiting it. I could write plenty of funny lines like "Kay rolled Teddie's eyes in exasperation", but I don't think I quite have the skill necessary to make such humor function properly._

"Wow, that's... a lot to take in," Kay mumbled while staring blankly at Teddie. "Though before I even _try_ to do that, could you please explain why you're on top of me? It better not be anything weird."

"Sure!" Teddie responded before jumping up and extending his hand to help Kay stand up too. "I was on top of you because I like to watch people when they're sleeping, and how often am I going to get to watch _myself_ sleep, huh?"

"I... see," Kay responded with some clear worry in her voice before sitting down on the end of her bed.

"It's not _that_ weird, is it?"

"Well, if it helps you sleep at night," Kay shrugged.

"That's _exactly_ what it does!", Teddie exclaimed proudly. Kay stared at him in silence for a moment.

"...Glad we solved that issue," she responded in a very givey-uppy tone. "Moving on, we should _probably_ talk about this whole... thing now," she said while looking at her hands and arms. The white sleeves looked quite nice, but felt surprisingly heavy due to the quite frankly obscene amount of chocolate stored within. "So how long have you been awake, anyway?", she asked. Teddie glanced at the clock on the wall, did some vague counting with his fingers, glanced at the clock again, and lifted three fingers.

"Thirty minutes!", he proudly announced in a tone similar to that of a little child boasting about completing the arduous task of flushing his father's wallet down the toilet.

" _Thirty minutes!?_ ", Kay exlaimed, clearly upset, before grabbing Teddie by the scarf. "You didn't think to wake me up for _half an hour!?_ ", she yelled while shaking him like he was a drink being prepared for a particularly fussy secret agent.

"So-so-so-sorry," Teddie replied wobblily. "Y-You just loo-oo-ooked so-o-o peacefu-u-ul."

After some thinking — while still in the middle of shaking Teddie, of course — Kay stopped and let go of his scarf.

"I _suppose_ that could _technically_ be counted as a 'good intention' if I was being very generous," she said slightly sarcastically. She then stood up and walked in front of her mirror. "Anyway, like I was saying, we oughta talk about this whole dealio now, probably, I think," she babbled vaguely while doing various weird motions in front of the mirror to make absolutely sure that she was, in fact, in Teddie's body, and it wasn't all just the world's most extensive practical joke.

"I, for one, think it's pretty neat!", Teddie proclaimed. "I feel like I could even get used to this," he continued before doing a cute little twirl.

"So you're not worried at all?", Kay asked him while still eyeing her reflection up and down in suspicion. "Doesn't feel weird or anything?"

"Nnnope! I'm a very flexible bear, after all. Plus, I used to have _no_ body, so having a slightly different body feels like a vacation at worst."

"I don't know if I can quite relate to that," Kay replied while stretching her arms. "I don't know if it's because I'm in someone else's body, because I'm in a guy's body, or because I'm in _your_ body specifically, but it does feel... off."

"What do you mean _my_ body?", Teddie asked. "There's nothing wrong with it, is there?"

"I'm not saying there's anything _wrong_ with it necessarily, it's just that I'm kind of used to having bones, you know?", Kay replied before trying to crack her knuckles. It didn't work. "See?"

"Oh, so _that's_ what this feeling is," Teddie said with a voice that oozed clarity while looking at his hands. "I suppose having a skeleton _does_ feel a bit weird."

"Heh. That says a lot about us, doesn't it?", Kay mused half-jokingly while trying to do a split. "I'm worried about being in the wrong body while you're worried about having a skeleton."

"You know how clumsy I can be, Kay-chan," Teddie said, his voice suddenly bereft of any humor. "What if the... _incident_ happens again, but this time while I'm in your body!?", he agonized, holding his head and clattering his teeth. "My body doesn't have any bones to break, but yours has... _hundreds_!" Kay slowly stood up from the split she had managed to get into, walked up to Teddie, hugged him tightly, and put her head on his shoulder.

"It's awfully sweet of you to think of me first even at a time like this, but I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about that happening again any time soon," she quietly spoke into his ear. She then stopped hugging him, grabbed his shoulders, and glared into his eyes sternly. "I mean, I _do_ hope you're going to think about what you do in my body _veeery_ carefully, because if anything were to happen to it thanks to you crossing the street without looking both ways or trying to drink another pot of melted chocolate...", she told him, her face moving closer and closer to his.

"Y-Yeah, yeah, I get it," Teddie whimpered as Kay's nose touched his.

"Good boy," Kay said before planting her lips on his. After a brief smooch, she looked to the side and squinted. "Kissing yourself sure does feel odd."

"Really? Let me try!", Teddie responded before imitating what Kay just did, surprising her (he's generally more of a passive lover, you see). "Yeah, it's... it's like smooching a mirror!"

"Got any experience with that?", Kay asked with a smug look on her face.

".........No," Teddie replied. Even though he didn't actually pronounce them, Kay could still hear every single ellipsis loud and clear.

"I believe you," she lied before sitting down on her computer chair. "So anyway, now that I've mostly gotten over the initial shock... _this is freakin' awesome_! We've... We've actually swapped bodies! That's like... mega-supernatural! Beyond belief! _C'est magnifique_ , and I'm not even completely sure what that means!"

"Don't you talk to a supernatural bear every day, Kay-chan?", Teddie said, clearly unimpressed. Kay crossed her arms, slouched down, and hmphed.

"You can't just clump together everything supernatural, Teddie. This is a _completely_ different phenomenon from anything you've ever described," Kay explained. "... I think, anyway."

"Well, it didn't happen at midnight, so it's probably nothing I'm familiar with," Teddie said. He then awkwardly scratched the back of his head for a moment before extending his hand towards Kay. "Can I... eat snacks while I'm in your body?"

"That's... a good question, actually," Kay un-answered before beginning a back-of-the-head-scratching session of her own. "I mean, I'm definitely not letting you eat as much as you normally do, but I'd feel a bit cruel if I didn't let you have _anything_."

"Yay!", Teddie yayed. "I'd like one Snackers bar, please," he said before looking up for a moment. "Those are in the left sleeve." Kay plunged her hand into her left sleeve, pulled out a Snackers bar after some careful digging, and handed it to Teddie.

"Don't eat it all in one go," she said, uselessly. As she was watching Teddie devour his nutty treat with much gusto, Kay suddenly had a very worrying epiphany.

"Wha's whong?", Teddie asked as he looked at Kay's wide-open eyes, his mouth full of Snackers.

"I just realized I need to go to the bathroom."


	3. New Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddie's mind continues to be a bit slow.

"Sho what?", Teddie asked before swallowing the glut of chocolate in his mouth. "I go to the bathroom all the time. It's no big deal."

"Of course it isn't a big deal if you're in _your own body_ , genius!", Kay harrumphed before standing up from her chair. She licked her thumb and rubbed it against the chocolatey spots on Teddie's face. "Also, please stop eating so messily when you're loaning my face. I don't want people to think _I'm_ a slob."

"O- _kay_!", Teddie responded happily with a thumbs up. "So what's your bathroom problem anyway? I don't think going there is all that hard."

"It's not about how _hard_ it is," Kay said despondently before placing her hand on Teddie's shoulder. "It's just that I kind of have an issue with having to touch your... y-your... well, _you know_ ," she mumbled while looking everywhere except at him. 

"Oh, you mean my-"

" **YES** ," Kay said very calmly through her gritted teeth.

"I see. I think I understand now," Teddie said in a sagely tone before he began to rub his chin in thought. After a moment, he reached a conclusion. "Well, you don't _have_ to touch it," he stated wisely.

"Really?", Kay asked, tilting her head.

"Really," Teddie answered before his expression suddenly became exceptionally smug. " _Waaait a sec_ , Kay-chan. Are you telling me there's something I know more about than you do?"

"Hey, you _clearly_ have an advantage in this particular field," Kay responded while making a humorously upset face. "I'll let you win this one though, because like I said, _I really need to go right now now now NOW_ ," she said rapidly while starting a mad sprint towards the bathroom.

Teddie didn't quite know what to do while he was waiting — especially since he didn't have his snacks handy — so he decided to get on Kay's laptop.

"You can handle this, Teddie," he said to himself as he opened a new tab in Doogle Chrome and slowly typed in 'www.good funny pictures of text cats.com'. As the non-existent website refused to load, Teddie could only wonder how Yosuke made it look so easy. "I bet this is what they teach them in school," he mumbled before noticing that Kay had already returned and was standing right next to him. "Do they teach you how to look for those funny pictures of cats with text in them at school?", he asked her.

"They do not," Kay replied tersely. "And just so you know, I managed to avoid touching... _anything_. And I didn't look at it either."

"That's very o- _kay_!", Teddie responded happily with a thumbs up.

"...You don't think I actually act like that, do you?"

"No, but I need _some_ comfort in my life now that I can't do bear puns," he answered quite seriously.

"Fair enough, but try not to do it in front of anyone else. I don't want people thinking you're rubbing off on me," Kay said with a gentle smile on her face. "Now that I think about it, I should try to crack a bear pun every now and then, huh."

"The stage is _all yours_ , sweetie," Teddie proclaimed majestically while making all kinds of grandiose gestures towards Kay.

"Well, uh... it sure... it sure is a _bear-tiful_ day outside, isn't it?", she said with an incredibly forced smile on her face. After a moment of intense, quiet staring, Teddie started doing a golf clap.

"Could've been better, but it's a start, sweetie!", he said, clearly very proud of her.

"Thanks," Kay said before sitting down at the end of her bed. "So, uh... what's with the 'sweetie' thing? Weren't you calling me 'Kay-chan' like five minutes ago?"

"I just suddenly thought that it felt a bit imbearsonal," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "You have a pet name for me, so I thought it was only fair that I'd have one for you... even if it's a bit late." After hearing this, Kay stood up, walked a couple steps forward, and hugged Teddie tightly.

"You sure have your own rhythm," she whispered into his ear. "And that's why I love you, you goofball." 

"Aw, thanks. You sure know how to make a bear feel wanted, sweetie!", he said gleefully. "I'd kiss you right now if it didn't feel so weird!"

"Yeah, I'm not quite ready to kiss myself again either," she said as she let go of him. "You know what I _am_ ready for, though?"

"Cat pictures with text on them!?", Teddie exclaimed as he looked at Kay with an abundance of hope on his face.

"You can look at your lolcats later, honey," she replied before closing her laptop. "What I'm talking about is none other than the thing they do in every single story about body-swapping; _going outside_!"

"Huh," Teddie said as he turned his gaze downward and started rubbing his chin. "But what if we run into my friends, and then we'll have to sit down with them, and then I have to go to the bathroom, and you'll be worried about what the heck I'm doing while also having to pretend you're me?"

"That's... worryingly specific."

"Well, that's basically how it goes in all those stories, right?", Teddie said, shrugging his shoulders. "Like the Smurfy law states, 'if something _can_ go wrong, it _will_ go wrong'."

"We don't live in a story, Teddie. We live in real life, and in real life, things don't go inconveniently wrong all the time just for the sake of having 'conflict' present, do they?"

Teddie tried to think of something clever to say, but his mental capacity wasn't quite ready for the enormity of the zinger that Kay's statement deserved, so he ultimately just stayed quiet.

"Anyway, enough talk. I want a smoothie, and I want it _now_."

* * *

About half an hour later, they walked onto the Junes food court with smoothies in hand, only to notice the Inaba branch of the Investigation Team sitting at a big table.

" _Please_ don't tell me you have to go to the bathroom," she whispered to Teddie.


	4. Thinkin' Bout the Future (and Chicken Bars)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Investigation Team meets its dastardliest foe yet; chicken in the form of a bar.

"I don't. Why?" Teddie asked Kay.

"...Never mind," she said in a very defeated tone before taking a big swig from her smoothie. "Anyway, we might as well go hang out with them. I'm sure they alre-"

"Yo, lovebirds! C'mere!", Kanji yelled while waving at them.

"Didn't even have to finish the sentence," Kay said dryly before taking another smoothie gulp. She then leaned right next to Teddie and began whispering into his ear. "Remember, no 'o- _kay_ ', okay?"

"O-," Teddie responded while raising his thumb before realizing that he was about to do the _one thing_ he was _just_ told not to do. "........ _lrighty then_!"

"Nice save."

They walked over to the table and sat down, Kay sitting next to Yosuke and Teddie next to Chie.

"So what are you two up to?" Chie asked, looking at 'Kay' with a cheeky look on her face. " _A date?_ "

"No, we're drinking smoothies!", Kay proclaimed very inanely before taking a gulp of hers and then wiping her mouth with a sleeve. " _I hope I'm not being too dumb even by Teddie standards_ ," she thought to herself.

"You always know _just_ what to say, don't you, Teddie?" Chie said, slowly shaking her head. "You should learn to take a hint before she ditches you, dummy."

"Hey, I'm- she's- _he's_ not _that_ dumb!", Teddie protested weakly in defense of 'himself'. "He knows... a lot of... things," he continued mumbling before dejectedly drinking some of his smoothie.

"It's nice of you to defend him, Kay-chan, but somehow, I don't quite believe that," Yukiko said before turning towards 'Teddie'. "You know, I once heard on a radio show that this one question is a really good way to figure out how smart someone truly is, so here goes; what year were the Hopkinsville Goblins spotted?"

"...The hell kinda question is _that_?" Kanji asked, scratching his head.

"The hell kinda _radio program_ is that?" Yosuke asked back. "But hey, if we don't know the answer, then I'm certain neither does Ted-"

"1955. August 21st, 1955, if we're being specific," Kay said with an exorbitant amount of pride before taking yet another big sip from her smoothie. After she slammed the now-empty cup down, she couldn't help but notice that everyone was staring at her. " _Oh yeah, I'm Teddie_ ," she thought to herself. "That, uhh, that's something I... uh, learned from Kay-chan. She likes all kinds of supernaturalities, you know! Heh, can't get enough of 'em," she explained.

"But you still know it, which makes you smart!", Teddie said while pointing at Kay, desperately trying to make _himself_ look smart. "...Right?"

"Well, the radio said it, so it _must_ be true," Yukiko said.

"I'm not quite sure that's how it goes," Chie replied sceptically.

" _Anyway_ ," Yosuke interjected, "maybe we should talk about something that's actually _worth_ talking about."

"Yeah, like chicken bars!" Kanji proclaimed.

"What's a 'chicken bar'?" Teddie asked.

"Apparently it's, like, a chocolate bar, but... chicken. Ain't seen one myself yet, but I guess they sell them here now."

"Wow, I... I think I need to... have some of... those!", Kay said hesitantly, trying to imitate Teddie's appetite for almost anything that could be described as 'a snack' while also trying not to gag from how incredibly unappetizing the concept of a 'chicken bar' sounded.

" _Anyway_ ," Yosuke interjected again before shrinking into his seat a bit and averting his eyes away from 'Kay', "this, uh, this thing I'd like to talk about is kind of, um, 'Investigation Team business', so to say, so, uh... if you wouldn't mind, Kay, could you go... do something else for a... little while?"

"Sure thing!" Teddie replied before sipping some smoothie. "I need to... go do some stuff anyway, and I gotta get one of those chicken bars too!"

"...That's a positive reaction," Yosuke said in a surprised tone, clearly having expected at least a bit of vitriol.

"I'm too full of smoothie to complain," Teddie explained before getting up from his seat with a jump. "Anyway, see ya soon, Ka- uh, _Teddie_!"

"S-See ya soon, sw-sweetie," Kay stammered. " _He's going to the bathroom, isn't he_ ," she then thought. After Teddie was gone, she slowly lowered her head onto the table while letting out a pained groan along the lines of "grrrhmrhgrhmrhgh."

"Is it just me, or is Teddie being a bit more dramatic than usual today?" Chie asked.

"Maybe he's finally growing up," Yukiko answered. "Or is he grown up already? I can't tell."

"Well, at least mentally, he's still kinda out there," Kanji said before pulling out a small bag of animal crackers from his pocket. "A bit childish, ya know?"

"If I'm so childish, gimme a cracker," Kay said flatly while extending her hand towards Kanji. He placed one on her palm.

"Just don't eat it all in one go, dude," he said in a very serious tone. "I ain't gonna heilm- heimle- himlm- I ain't doing that goddamn hug thing again if you're about to choke, okay!?"

"Okie-dokie," Kay said before nibbling a bit off the cracker, quietly wondering about what Teddie had been choking on in the past. "So, uh... what exactly did you want to talk about, Yosuke?"

"Your relationship."

" _Oh dear lord_ ," she thought. "...What about us?"

"What _are_ you, exactly?"

"Well, I'm a Shadow, and Kay-chan's a human!", she answered, knowing full well that that wasn't what Yosuke had meant.

"That's not what I meant," Yosuke grumbled. "What I'm trying to ask is; where is your relationship at right now?"

"...I don't understand the question," Kay answered, not entirely untruthfully. She then nibbled some more off the cracker.

"Well..." Yosuke said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, "a lot of the time, you feel... more like friends than a couple, you know?"

"Yeah, you're like friends... but with, like, some... extra stuff," Kanji said. "What's the word I'm lookin' for... oh right, you're like friends with _benefits_!"

"A swing and a miss," Chie said while shaking her head.

"Is there a problem with that?", Kay asked as faux-innocently as she could. "Friends are fun!"

"Well, no, but...", Yosuke said before going silent for a moment. He then leaned back, crossed his arms, and looked 'Teddie' in the eyes. "Do you ever think about your future, Teddie?", he asked.

"Well, I think about what-"

"...kind of snacks you're going to buy next week," Yosuke continued in a silly voice. "I _know_. What I'm trying to ask is if you have any _actual plans_ for the future. Like, do you see yourself and Kay together in a month? Six months? A year? And more importantly, do you think you'll ever move out of my closet?"

Kay leaned back, tossed the rest of the cracker into her mouth, crossed her arms, and shut her eyes.

"I'm a simple bear, Yosuke. I don't think about the future any more than I need to. I'm happy right now and that's all that matters to me," she said before reaching for Teddie's smoothie. "These crackers sure are dry," she continued before taking a sip.

"I didn't know you were capable of saying something so poignant, Teddie," Yukiko said, presumably as a form of praise.

"I'll have you know that I'm not dumb _all_ the time!", Kay proclaimed while gently slamming her fist into the table, desperately trying to uphold her boyfriend's utterly nonexistent honor. "I, uh, say a lot of smart things when I'm with Kay-chan!"

"Uh-huh," everyone except Kanji said very sarcastically in unison.

"Oh, why do I even bother," Kay mumbled to herself, slowly lowering her head back onto the table.

"Hey, I'm with ya, Ted," Kanji said while patting 'his' back across Yosuke. "I'm sure they're just jealous cuz you're dating."

And just like that, the whole world went utterly quiet. You could've heard a chicken bar being accidentally dropped on the other side of the food court, which is exactly what Teddie did. After he picked it up and ran to the table, he immediately sensed that something was amiss.

"What's up?" he asked, completely unbeknownst to the devastating truth bomb that had just been dropped.

"Nothing much," Kanji said while chewing on a cracker. "I just told these guys that they're prolly a bit jealous of Teddie cuz he's dating you."

"Really?" Teddie asked Yosuke.

"...No comment," Yosuke replied grouchily, confirming it.

"Oh, cheer up, Yosuke," Kay said in a mildly strained tone as she slammed her hand into his back just a _little_ bit harder than friends generally do. "At times like these, you should turn your thinking around! Stop being all ' _oh woe is me, I'll never find true love_ ' and think about it like this; if _Teddie_ can find romance, _anyone_ can!"

"Huh... You know what?", Yosuke said as he rubbed his back in pain. "You're absolutely right! How come I never thought of it that way!?" He then looked at 'Kay'. "Say, are any of your friends single?"

"......No," Teddie replied nervously, exactly as Kay's murderous stare was silently telling him to do.

"Dang," Yosuke said glumly before slouching down.

"Did Kanji get to you two too?" Kay asked, pointing at Yukiko and Chie. They looked at each other for a moment, and then at the table.

"...No comment," they said near-simultaneously, but in a manner that sounded different from Yosuke's. While Kay would've loved to know more, she thought that perhaps this wasn't the best time for it, especially after finally looking at what Teddie had just brought to the table.

"...What is all that?"

"Oh, I just got a few snacks. A couple chicken bars, another smoothie, a sandwich, a soda, some chocolate... you know, the usual."

"...I think you're forgetting something," Kay said as calmly and tenderly as she could while staring unblinkingly into Teddie's eyes.

"Like what?" Teddie asked before quickly remembering that he wasn't in his usual body. "Oh yeah. Umm... what I meant was that I, uh, was merely pretending to be you, honey! Obviously I bought these for you. H-Here you go!"

"Whew," Chie sighed. "For a moment, I thought Teddie's bad eating habits had rubbed off on you. I'm pretty sure a diet like that would ruin anyone without Shadow metabolism or whatever it is that keeps Teddie going."

"Heh... yeah," Teddie said awkwardly as he placed most of the things he had bought in front of Kay. She looked at the pile, took the chicken bars, and put them back in front of Teddie.

"You can keep those. As a treat, y'know?"

"Wow, thanks! But wait, didn't you say you wanted to taste one?"

"...I changed my mind."

"Works for me!" Teddie said gratefully before quickly unwrapping one and taking a bite. As he chewed on it, his bright smile quickly dissolved into a completely blank stare. After he swallowed the bite, he put the rest of the bar on the table and drank half of his new smoothie in one go.

"Not a fan?" Kanji asked.

"I didn't even know you _could_ make something that bad," Teddie said in a very disappointed tone. "To think I had high hopes for you, chicken bar. Shame on you."

"Oh, come on. It can't be _that_ bad," Kay said before also taking a bite off the bar. After chewing on it for a moment, she _very_ reluctantly swallowed the bite. "Never mind. It _definitely_ can."

After this, the others split the second bar into four pieces, tried it out, and came to the unanimous conclusion that it should be declared a biohazard.

"Boy, do I wish I didn't just finish this," Yosuke said wistfully as he gently waved his empty soda cup. "Guess I gotta go buy another one."

"Me too," Chie said.

"And me," Yukiko added.

"Same," Kanji finished.

After the quartet left the table to cleanse their mouths, Kay unwrapped a Snackers bar and started eating it, looking at Teddie with a smug smile on her face all the while.

"Can I ask you a question, honey?" Kay asked.

"If it's not 'do you want some chocolate too?', I don't wanna hear it," Teddie answered before sulkily turning his face away.

"It's not, but I guess I could give you _some_ if you answer me truthfully," she said, prompting Teddie to brighten up near-instantly.

"Sure! What do you want to know?"

"Do you ever think about your future, Teddie?" she asked. "Apart from what snack you're going to eat next, of course."

"Nah," he answered while gesturing dismissively. He then snatched the Snackers bar out of Kay's hand and took a big bite.

"Hey!"

"I could clearly notice that you drank some of my smoothie, so it's only fair, isn't it?"

"...Touché," Kay conceded. "So, you really don't think about the future at all, huh? Not even about _us_?"

"What's there to think about?" Teddie asked back before taking another bite. "I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me too."

"Of course I do, silly," she said before poking his lips. "That might change if you don't stop eating so sloppily while you're me, though."

"Sorry," he meeped before licking his lips clean. "Better?"

"Better. Anyway, I think we should scram before the others come back. I think I've had enough of pretending to be you for one lifetime. Worse yet, someone might even ask you what _I_ want to do in the future."

"Hey, I know the answer to that! You want to... uhh... steal... things?"

"Glad you've been paying attention," Kay said sarcastically before quickly bagging up the stuff Teddie had bought. "By the way, did we ever actually swap our belongings, or did you buy these with-"

"Whoops."

"I see. Well, we can think about repayment plans later. For now, let's just go."

"O- _kay_!" Teddie said with a thumbs up.

Kay couldn't help but sigh.


	5. F(r)iendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay meets her worst enemy; her best friend.
> 
> Teddie's there too, I guess.

"That sure was an experience," Kay said as she looked up at the cloudy sky. "Definitely not one I want to have again any time soon."

"How come?" Teddie, walking a bit behind her, asked before biting into the one remaining Snackers bar she allowed him to have. "I dhoughd id was breddy fun," he mumbled with a mouth full of chocolate.

"I imagine it was fun for you because no-one wanted to ask _me_ any hard questions," Kay said with a smile on her face, "and thank goodness for that. I'm not saying you can't do a good impression of me, but... actually, that's _exactly_ what I'm saying."

"True, true," Teddie conceded before taking another bite of his Snackers. "Adybay, I'm gedding dired-"

" _Swallow_."

Teddie gulped in fear, which serendipitously also made him swallow the chocolate.

"Wow, that worked! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I'm getting tired because of all this heat. We should stop for a break!"

"Fine with me," Kay said before wiping her forehead. "The heat's starting to get to me too."

After walking for a bit longer, they arrived at their favorite outdoors bench and sat down.

"I wonder how many breaks we've taken here together," Kay thought out loud as she uncorked the Orange Smash Teddie had bought (with her money).

"Six, I think," Teddie answered as he watched Kay down half the soda in one big gulp. She gave the rest to him, and he did the same.

"Somehow it feels less romantic when you actually have an answer," Kay said before chuckling. "Good job keeping track, though."

"Oh, it's nothing," Teddie said in a jokingly dismissive way. "I just happen to like this bench. It's calm here."

"It sure is," Kay mumbled as she slowly slouched down, the events of the day finally sinking in, causing her to become very tired, very quickly. "I think I could... even take... a nap........"

"Oh, hi, Kayby!" a familiar voice suddenly rang out. In an instant, all the fatigue in Kay's body vanished and she very quickly shot into an upright sitting position. There was _precisely one_ person in the world who called her by the nickname 'Kayby' — namely, her best friend Janine Dean — and _precisely one_ person she didn't want to run into right now — namely, her best friend Janine Dean. She turned to look at the owner of the voice, and it was exactly who she feared it would be, in all her gyaru glory (though it should be noted that she repeatedly insists that she's not actually a gyaru and it's just a coincidence every time Kay asks her about it).

"F-Fancy meeting you here, J-Jan-Janine!" Kay answered, her flustered state almost making her forget she wasn't speaking with her own mouth.

"Hi to you too, Eddie," Janine said with a vague acknowledging nod. She didn't exactly _dislike_ Teddie, but her Definitely Not Serious™ unrequited crush on Kay made it just a tiny little bit upsetting for her to see Kay in love with a guy who seemingly couldn't count to 10 without using his fingers (or perhaps even _with_ ).

"Hi, Janine!" Teddie answered as enthusiastically as he thought Kay would've. "You shouldn't be so tough on Teddie. He's nice, you know."

"Sure, but is he a good _lover_?" Janine asked with a smug smile on her face while leaning closer and closer to 'Kay'. At this point, Kay was begging the heavens for an excuse to leave as quickly as possible while she slowly crumpled down in embarrassment.

"We do love each other a lot!" Teddie proclaimed before spreading his arms wide. "All the time!" At this point, Kay wished she could've buried her face in her hands

"...Uh-huh," Janine mumbled as she narrowed her eyes and flitted them between Kay and Teddie. As Kay looked at Janine's increasingly suspicious glare, she became nervouser and nervouser.

" _She_ couldn't _have actually figured out what's going on_ ," she thought. "... _Could she?_ "

Janine's general appearance could easily fool one into believing she's a total ditz, but her street smarts and observational skills were so keen that Kay sometimes wondered if she could beat Mr. Edgeworth in a duel of wits. Sure, he had a law degree and years of professional experience, but Janine once deduced what places Kay had been to on that day based purely on a single jam stain on her shirt, and that was _quite_ surprising to an 11-year-old.

"What's... uh, wh-what's up?" Kay asked, shaking like a leaf in the wind, as she looked back at Janine's increasingly obsessed stare. "Do I have something on my face? K-Kay-chan always complains about that. Haha. Ha."

"No... but _she_ does," Janine answered as she pointed at 'Kay's' lips. They were quite chocolatey.

" _How many times do I have to tell you to... rrrgh_ ," Kay thought as she facepalmed internally.

"Yeah, it happens," Teddie said with a shrug before licking his lips clean. "Nobody's bearfect."

At this point, the amount of comical disdain in Janine's glare had reached a point where she had to reset her expression, lest her eyes become completely shut because of how much she was squinting. She took a step towards 'Teddie', leaned down to look 'him' in the eyes from inches away, and placed her hand on 'his' shoulder.

"I think I know what's going on here, Eddie," she said before putting on a mischievous smirk. "...Or should I say 'Kay'?"

If the body Kay was currently inhabiting had a heart, it would definitely have skipped a beat. Or five.

"W-W-What do you m-mean?" she asked calmly.

"I don't know _how_ you've done it, but I can clearly tell you two have swapped bodies," she said before sighing. "I always knew messing around with all that occult stuff would lead to something like this happening to you one day."

"N-Now you're just being silly, Jan-ch- _Janine_ ," Teddie said. "There's no way anything like that would _actually_ happen!" Janine looked at him skeptically.

"Explain to me why you're both acting so weird, then," she said. "Hell, you were literally _just_ about to call me 'Jan-chan', weren't you?"

"...No, I wasn't," Teddie replied weakly, shifting his gaze elsewhere.

"And speaking of nicknames, what's mine?"

"Oh, it's... it's... umm... J-Jane?" Janine shook her head. "J-Janana?" Janine shook her head harder. "J-J-Janie?" Janine looked at Teddie in silence for a moment, somehow seemingly capable of discerning the vocal difference between 'Janie' and 'Janey', the actual nickname Kay used for her.

"I'd _really_ love to know why you went for 'Janana' before that," she said, confused, before turning back to face Kay. "However, the more important thing right now is that we've established well enough that you're _clearly_ not Eddie, and he's not you... or, well, Kayby, or... _you know what I mean_ ," she said, clearly frustrated by how confusing it all was.

"Okay, okay. No more horsing around*," Kay said before throwing her hands in the air. "You got us. It's a long story, but yes, I'm actually Kay and that's actually Teddie."

* _The 'joke' here is that Janine keeps referring to Teddie as 'Eddie', and if you take out the first letter of his Japanese name, Kuma(da), you get Uma(da), which means 'horse'. Clever._

Janine sat down on the bench between the couple and grabbed both of them into a tight hug.

"I see!" she chirped cheerily before becoming deadly serious. "Now then, what's _actually_ going on?"

"...What do you mean?" Kay asked, confused.

"It's simple, my dear Eddie," Janine told her. "Last time I checked, what you just described isn't possible, so you two _have to be_ pulling my leg."

"You sounded awfully convinced a moment ago," Kay quipped snarkily. Janine tightened her grip on her in return. "Ow! Not so rough!"

"See?" Janine said smugly. "I know you're not actually Kayby, because she _likes_ it rough." Kay could only sigh in return.

"Oh yeah!" Teddie proclaimed all of a sudden, causing Janine to look at him and Kay to sigh again in response to whatever drivel was most likely going to come out of his mouth. "We're just... doing this new thing where couples pretend to be each other... in order to find out how much they know about each other!" he 'explained'. Janine looked at him suspiciously.

"Really?" she asked him, unconvinced.

"Really!" he answered. "I guess we're not all that good at it yet," he continued with a shrug. Janine stared at him blankly for a moment before letting go of both of them.

"I guess that makes sense," she said before thinking for a second. "Well, not _sense_ , because it sounds really dumb, but... eh. You do you, you weirdos." She stood up with a hop and turned around. "Anyway, I should _probably_ go buy that milk now. Wouldn't want to keep mom waiting."

"Okie-dokie! See you later, Jan-chan!" Teddie said cheerily while waving.

"Could you give your weird roleplay a _little_ break?" she asked him in a comically disgruntled fashion.

"My thoughts exactly," Kay added. 

"But yeah, see ya around, Kayby!" Janine yelled before running off. "...You too, Eddie! I guess!" she continued at a just-barely-audible distance. As Kay and Teddie watched her disappear into the horizon, they couldn't help but wonder what the hell just happened.

"I'm pretty sure she thinks less of me now," Kay mused sullenly. "That _was_ a pretty good save, though. How'd you come up with that baloney?"

"It's simple," Teddie said. "I heard about it from a radio show!"

"...Wait, it's actually a real thing?" Kay asked in utter disbelief. "Let me guess; it's from that radio station Yukiko listens to."

"Bingo!"

"Figures." She took out yet another Snackers bar from her bag and gave it to Teddie. "My body's definitely going to regret this later, but you deserve it."

"Wow, thanks!" Teddie said before stopping just shy of actually ripping the wrapper open. He held the bar in his shaky grip and just stared at it for a moment before giving it back to Kay. "...Actually, I'm not that hungry right now."

"Looking out for me, are you?" Kay said while leaning towards him. "How sweet of you. I'd kiss you if I wasn't still so displeased by the idea of kissing myself."

"Yeah," Teddie agreed.

"Anyway, let's go home."

"Yeah," Teddie agreed again. "By the way, do you think she'll ever learn my actual name?"

"Nah."


	6. Home Once Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo arrives back at Kay's pad, eager to fix their shared affliction. Nothing is ever that easy, however...

"Okay, so, I'm pretty sure my grandparents are home by now, so just... _run_ ," Kay instructed Teddie as they were standing in front of her front door.

"Don't you want me to say hi to them?"

" **NO!** " Kay yelled. "It's already bad enough that Janine might think of me as a bit weird now, but if that happened with my grandparents, I'd definitely have to go into permanent exile."

"We could live togetbear, then!" Teddie said while patting her back.

"I don't think I'm ready for _that_ kind of commitment yet," Kay said dryly as she imagined multiple voluminous piles of laundry, dishes, and candy bar wrappers all over a small apartment. "Maybe when you learn to take care of yourself a bit more," she continued before once again moistening her thumb and using it to rub the chocolate stains off of Teddie's face. "How'd you even get these? You gave back the chocolate, didn't you?"

"I hid a small bar in the scarf and got hungry again when you weren't looking," Teddie said while rubbing his index fingers together innocently.

"Oh, you," Kay said playfully as she put her hand on Teddie's shoulder. Her expression then turned exceptionally serious in an instant. "If my weight's gone up even a little bit, I'll remember that."

"O-o- _kay_ ," Teddie mumbled nervously as Kay stared him down (as much as she could, being shorter than he was at the moment). "A-Anyway, maybe we should stop standing around here. The neighbears might look at us funny."

"Good point," Kay said before she turned Teddie around and dug the front door key out of her satchel. As she stuck the key into the keyhole and turned it, she gave Teddie one more death stare. "Remember; _run_."

"Yeah, yeah. Jeez." As soon as Kay opened the door, he sprinted upstairs as fast as his slightly unfamiliar legs could carry him, ignoring Kay's grandparents who were waiting on the other side of the door, presumably having tried to listen in on their conversation.

"Did you finally propose?" Gilbert asked 'Teddie' with a sly smile on his face.

"Propose what?" Kay asked back in a very Teddie-esque way. "She just had to go to the... bearthroom, that's all."

"Told you," Gilda said wryly. "Like I've said, we should let them be for now. There's still plenty of time to insist for grandchildren, isn't there, dear?"

"Indeed there is," Gilbert said as he stared at 'Teddie' while rubbing his chin in thought. "Sometimes I do wonder if Mr. Mascot here's quite fit to take care of any, though." Kay couldn't help but feel a tiny bit insulted on behalf of Teddie, even if she didn't _entirely_ disagree.

"I can learn!" she protested. "...In fact, I've taken care of someone once!"

"And who might that be?" Gilda asked.

"My sensei! He was sick, so I took care of him until he got... bear-ter."

"...It's a start, I suppose," Gilbert said with a shrug. "Anyway, you should go after her. I don't want to get chewed out for grilling you again."

"Okie-dokie! See ya later, Kay's grandbearents!" she said before running up the stairs. After she entered her room, she shut the door tight and locked it as fast as she could.

"Welcome home, honey!" Teddie exclaimed as he waved at Kay from her bed.

"Don't you 'honey' me," Kay said jovially. "That's _my_ term of endearment."

"But I am you!"

"Not for long, you ain't," she said as she walked up to her table and sat down. She opened her laptop, started up Doogle Chrome, and began scrolling down her browsing history. "Here we go. Good old 'REAL CURSE'S BEWARE OF THESE!!'." She clicked on the link and entered the now-familiar relic of a bygone internet era. She then typed 'bodily' into the search bar, only to find nothing. "Huh. That's odd." She then typed 'body', which also resulted in no hits, as did 'swap', 'switch', 'change', 'transform', and about a dozen related words. "How very strange. I'm _pretty_ sure this site hasn't been updated in about two decades."

"Can't you just go to the site directly from your interweb history?" Teddie asked.

"...Good point," Kay admitted. "Why didn't I just do that right away?" She looked at her browsing history again, only to realize that 'Alter Your Existence' was missing from there entirely. "That's why, I suppose," she mumbled before turning towards Teddie with an annoyed look on her face. "Did you mess with the browser while you were looking for your funny cat pictures?"

"No!" Teddie exclaimed before pausing for a moment. "...I don't _think_ I did." Kay sighed and turned back to her lappy.

"Great. Not only do we find real magic, but cursed websites too," she lamented. "If I die seven days from now, I'm suing."

"So what do we do now?" Teddie asked before falling backwards onto the bed with a thud. "Can't you remember the web address site thing yourself?"

"It was a weird jumble of numbers and letters, so no." She sighed and turned around again. "I can remember how the ritual went, though, so we might as well try that again." She stood up, grabbed her salt container, and once again drew (what could charitably be described as) a magic circle on the floor around herself. She then motioned for Teddie to come forth inside the circle too, and so he did. She grabbed his hands, put them on her shoulders, and then put her hands on his shoulders. "I hope you'll never grow, because I just can't get used to being the shorter one," she said half-jokingly before she began reciting the Latin chant, somehow still remembering every word.

"You never cease to amaze, sweetie," Teddie said as the chanting went in one of his ears and out the other.

"Thanks," Kay replied after she ended the recital. "Now then, for the worst part," she continued before grabbing him into a tight embrace and slamming her lips onto his. " _At least it'll probably be over soon_ ," she thought as she looked 'herself' into the eyes.

However, after half a minute of intense lip-locking, they were still most assuredly in each other's bodies. Kay let go of Teddie and crossed her arms.

"Welp, I'm officially out of ideas," she said before she walked back to her computer chair and sat down. "You got any ideas, honey?"

"Nope," Teddie replied instantly before plopping himself back onto the bed. "Guess we'll have to remain like this forever. What will I tell Yosuke, though?" That second-to-last word activated a very special alarm in Kay's head.

"Aw jeez," she muttered before standing up and opening her closet. "Guess one of us'll be sleeping on the floor tonight."

"W-What do you mean?" Kay turned to look at him like he just asked what a dog is.

"Think about it, dummy. I'm not going to go sleep in _your_ bed, am I?" she explained as she took out a sleeping bag from her closet.

"...Good point," Teddie said before he sat up. His face lit up like a department store display on November 1st. "But wow, our first sleepover ever! I've been waiting for this!"

"Don't get _too_ excited, now," Kay said dismissively as she wondered which one of them should sleep on the floor. "Which one of us do you think should sleep on the floor?"

"Why, me, of course!" Teddie replied and pointed at himself with both his thumbs. "I'm the guest here, after all!"

"That's true, but do remember that you're in _my_ body. If we ever manage to swap back, it's _me_ who's going to have to deal with the back pain." She rolled out the sleeping bag on the floor and stuffed a pillow inside. "Might as well be me."

"Works for me," Teddie said before once again spreading himself onto the bed. "I love sleeping on a bed!"

"Don't we all," Kay muttered as she laid down too. "So... ready to do the hard part?"

"What's that?" Teddie asked while staring idly at the ceiling.

"Think about it, dummy. If you're... if I'm... if _the body of Teddie_ is to stay here for the night, it needs permission from Kay's grandparents, does it not?"

"Uh-huh."

"And while I am indeed Kay, I'm currently in your body."

"Uh-huh."

"And you're in mine."

"Uh-huh."

"So the one who needs to ask permission is you."

"Ohh."

"Did it _seriously_ take you that long to figure it out?"

"No, I was just playing along," he lied. Kay snickered in response.

"But seriously, how are you going to be able to do that?" Teddie looked at her, slightly dumbfounded.

"Hey, I know how to ask for bearmission. Jeez." Kay looked back at him, unimpressed.

"Of course you do, honey, but I'm talking about what comes _after_ you ask. I hope I don't need to explain what a sleepover between a boy and a girl generally brings to mind."

"...Good times?"

Kay sighed once more.


	7. Sleeping Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If your sleepover doesn't have video games, ninja shows, and conversations about mortality, is it even a real sleepover?

"Okay, so, just... tell them what I told you to tell them, okay?" Kay pled with Teddie. "Nothing extra, okay? Just the bare essentials, okay? The absolute minimum, okay? Just the-"

"I got it, I got it," Teddie said, waving his hand in a very assuring way. "I'll have you know I remembear most of what you said."

"That's an improvement," Kay said flatly before poking Teddie's head. "Though I bet that's only happening because you're borrowing my superior brain!"

"Hey!" Teddie exclaimed. "Your brain can't be superior to mine if I don't even _have_ one!"

"...Good point," Kay said flatly once more, doing her best to suppress a giggle. "You sure got me." She patted him on the back twice, and then began shoving him onwards. "Anyway, it's showtime! Try not to stutter!"

"O-O-O- _kay_!"

"Stop that."

They walked briskly down the stairs and into the living room, where Gilda and Gilbert were knitting and reading a newspaper respectively. Teddie — with Kay's hand still firmly grasping his back and gently nudging him — coughed gently, which failed to grab the attention of either living room occupant.

"Um... ahem, hum, um," he mumbled while nervously shifting his gaze everywhere except where it needed to be. Kay glared at him unimpressedly.

"Where'd your usual ostentatiousness go?" she whispered to him. "I'm not even completely sure what that word _means_."

"W-Well, you know..." he whispered, "you told me this might be hard, and I'm only used to talking as myself, and the story you made up is kinda dramatic and-"

"Oh, to heck with this," Kay said before straightening her posture and coughing into her fist loud enough to vaguely rouse the attention of her grandparents. Gilda slowed down her knitting and turned towards them, while Gilbert briefly looked at 'Teddie' and then continued reading the paper.

"What is it?" he asked. "You wouldn't have been hemming and hawing there for a good few minutes if it wasn't something important."

"Well, you see, uh... my home is currently on fire."

"Oh dear!" Gilda exclaimed. "Is everything all right?"

"W-Well," Kay said, fidgeting nervously. "Apart from the house being on fire, everyone's fine, yes."

"However!" Teddie interjected, finally having gathered enough courage to talk. "He has no place to go, so I was going to ask if he can stay the night here!"

Upon hearing this, Gilda stopped knitting entirely and Gilbert looked up from his newspaper. They stared at 'Kay' for a moment, then at each other, then at 'Teddie', then at each other again.

"...That is fine with us, dear," Gilda said as she put down her knitting equipment. "Isn't it, dear?"

"Quite so, dear," Gilbert replied before he folded up his newspaper and put it on the table. "Say, dear, do we... uh... have enough food?" he continued, quite blankly.

"We do, in fact, not, dear," Gilda replied, also sounding very blank. Gilbert stood up and haphazardly grabbed his wallet and keys.

"Let us go purchase some nourishment, then, dear," he said as he walked out of the living room.

"Let's," Gilda replied, doing the same.

After they left the living room, Kay breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the sofa.

"I think it went pretty well," she said as she stared at the ceiling. "They usually sound like that when nothing's wrong."

"Neat!" Teddie said, vaguely standing around. "So... now what?"

"Iunno," Kay said lazily. "...Video games?"

"I like those!" Teddie exclaimed excitedly. "I don't think I'm very good at any of them, though."

"That's okay, Super Clash Bash is very beginner-friendly. I'm sure you'll manage a win or two."

* * *

Sixteen Teddie wins — and zero Kay wins — later, she was gripping her controller a lot harder than she normally did.

"I thought you said you were _bad_ at video games," she grumbled through her gritted teeth.

"I _am_ bad at Monkey Country!" he protested. "Coincidentally, it's also the _only_ game I've ever played!" Kay turned to look at him in utter disbelief.

"You've only ever played _one game_ , and you still wiped the floor with me in Clash!?"

"Funny how that works, huh," Teddie said jovially before looking back at Kay, whose expression could've charitably been described as 'a bit upset'. " _Waaaait a sec_ ," he said, his gormless smile turning into a mischievous grin, "are you mad because I'm better than you?" he asked smugly.

"No," she answered bluntly before looking back at the results screen of the match they just played. "It's just that the items you used were unfair, and Super Moira is an overpowered character, and you're playing with the better controller, and I'm tired from everything that's been happening today, and I was giving you an advantage anyway, and-"

Her _very_ righteously indignant speech was interrupted by Teddie placing his hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him, and they stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"So," Teddie broke the silence, "you're a sore loser, huh?"

"I don't want to hear that coming from my own mouth!" Kay yelled, trying very hard to suppress a smile. "Maybe I am, but just a little, and only when it comes to video games!" Teddie patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"Aww, that's okay. I still love you, sweetie."

"You too, honey," she said before once again turning back to the game. "You gotta admit your controller is the better one, though." Teddie squinted at the logo printed on his controller.

"'CrazyDogz' _does_ sound like a quality brand."

* * *

After they had their fill of gaming — Kay still didn't win a single match — they decided it was time to get full of food too. Gilda and Gilbert had returned and prepared dinner sooner than expected, so Kay hatched a sneaky plan; they'd eat in her room.

"Not only will it minimize contact between you and my grandparents, but I'll also get to watch Jammin' Ninja while I eat! It's like... uh..."

"Killing two birds with one stone?"

"Well, yes, but... I don't particularly care for that expression."

"I get you. Good thing there aren't any sayings about killing bears!" Teddie boasted proudly. "...I think."

"Anyway, less talking, more fooding!" Kay proclaimed before she grabbed Teddie's arm and sprinted into the kitchen with him in tow. Upon entering, they were immediately assaulted with the sweet scent of delicious food.

"What's for dinner?" Teddie asked Gilda.

"Curry rice," she said before presenting two nearly-overflowing plates of it. "Let me guess; you want to eat in your room?"

"Yes!" Teddie said. "We'll watch that ninja show that Ka- _I_ like so much."

"Sounds good to me," Kay said, wondering quietly how Teddie already managed to forget a two-word show name.

"Have fun," Gilda said in a mildly ominous tone before walking out of the kitchen.

"Why did she say it like that?" Teddie asked.

"Beats me," Kay said as she was pouring herself a glass of milk. "Anyway, last one to my room is a dweeb!" she yelled before she grabbed her plate and milk and sprinted away.

"No fair," Teddie sulked as he poured his milk. He then put the carton back in the fridge, grabbed his meal, and headed upstairs. As he walked towards Kay's room, he could hear the guitary theme tune of Jammin' Ninja. "How is she that quick?" he pondered.

Kay was sitting on her bed, rocking in excitement as Teddie walked in, kicked the door shut, and sat down next to her.

"I hope they'll finally tell us whether or not the Jammin' Ninja's related to the Super Duper Samurai of Ancient Legend," Kay said excitedly.

"I don't know what any of that means, but me too!"

* * *

"I can't believe they finally did it," Kay said in an awestruck tone, staring at the ceiling while on her back.

"Did they answer that question you had?" Teddie asked while rhytmically nodding to the ending theme of the show. "I didn't really understand any of what was going on."

"No," Kay said slightly dejectedly, "but they _did_ tell us that Princess Misola is the sixth cousin of Queen Abadaba! That's big! Big, I tells ya! _Big_!"

"That's great!" Teddie replied, still lacking understanding. "So, what do you wanna do next? Another episode?" In response, Kay yawned so loudly that she managed to surprise even herself.

"Eheh. It's been a long day," she said, embarrassed. "Maybe we should just go to sleep. It _is_ pretty late, after all." She shut down the television, straightened the sleeping bag on the floor, and yawned again, causing Teddie — and, let's face it, _you_ , dear reader — to yawn too. "So what time do you usually go to sleep?" she asked him.

"Whenever I feel like it," he answered. "I don't need sleep as much as you mere mortals do, after all. Mweh heh heh he-", he laughed ominously before being interrupted by a bonk to the head from a rolled-up magazine.

"You're a mortal too, dummy," Kay said. "...I think."

"Who knows..." Teddie whispered wistfully before being bonked on the head again.

* * *

After they dutifully took their dirty dishes downstairs, brushed their teeth — first Kay with her own brush, and then Teddie with the same one once they realized that they obviously only had one (and they were her teeth anyway) — and Teddie sent Yosuke a text message stating that he was staying over at Kay's for the night in his usual incoherent style of writing, they crawled into their respective beds. However, before either of them could say anything, Teddie's phone started beeping.

"Ooh, a text," he said.

"It's from Yosuke, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Teddie answered. "He wants 'all the juicy deets', apparently. What's that mean?"

"It means he's got an active imagination," Kay said snarkily before letting out a chuckle. "Here's what you should do. Send him a message that says 'oh, you know' and a winky face, and then close your phone."

"Okey-doke!" Teddie exclaimed before quickly tapping his phone's buttons way too many times for such a simple message.

"Will you ever learn not to be so hasty with your typing?"

"I don't get what you mean," Teddie said without looking away from his phone. After a few more careless taps, he pressed the 'send message' button and then shut his phone off. "Done!"

"Good boy," Kay said in a tone that was equal parts genuine praise and sarcasm. "If we ever manage to fix this situation, I _have_ to come with you to see the look on his face."

"Why? What happened to it?"

"Oh, Teddie," Kay lamented, "will anyone ever teach you about the birds and the bees?"

"Don't take me for a _complete_ fool," he said, turning over to his side to look at her. "I know what both of those are!" He gently brushed the long, black hair off of his face and then pointed at Kay. "Anyway, if there's something about them that I should know, why can't _you_ tell me?"

"Why indeed," Kay said quietly as she continued staring at the ceiling. "I suppose you can't just 'ask your parents' about it, Yosuke would probably never tell you, and Yosuke's parents... well, they _might_ , but you shouldn't bother them." After a moment of silence, Teddie extended his hand towards Kay.

"Won't you tell me, then?" he asked while gently fluttering his eyelashes. Kay looked at him and quickly burst into laughter.

"Th-That doesn't work... when you're doing it with... _my_ face, silly!" she exclaimed between her giggles.

"Aw. Is that a no, then?" he asked her while she was practically rolling from laughter (on the floor, mind you).

"Well, y-you _did_ make me laugh," she said between fits of laughter. "I guess you've earned it."

"Yay!"

"Some day," she elaborated as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"...Yay."

"Anyway, we really should go to sleep now," Kay said before shutting her eyes. "Good night."

"Good night!"

* * *

About ten minutes later, Kay opened her eyes.

"I bet you can't sleep either."

"Nope!" Teddie said excitedly. "Didn't even close my eyes!"

"...Uh-huh." She tried to think of a good sleepover topic to talk about, but nothing she came up with sounded quite right for the occasion. She then tried to think back to stuff they had already talked about. "So, uh... circling back to... that thing about mortality you said... you ever think about death?"

Teddie laid still, quiet. Kay wondered jokingly if he had just died, before sitting up to check him out just in case he actually _had_. He hadn't, of course, but his expression was a bit gloomy.

"Sometimes," he said quietly. "We've... gone through a lot, me and the Investigation Team. A lot of close calls. Sometimes I wonder if all of us still being alive is just some kind of cosmic coincidence." He turned over and looked at Kay. "As they say, you don't go against multiple gods and walk out without a scratch."

"You're just _that_ good," Kay said before booping his nose. "Seriously though, I can't quite put into words how much I appreciate what you and your friends have done. Thanks," she said before grabbing his head into a hug with both arms. "...You know, it feels awfully weird to have my own hair on my face like this."

"Yea fwell try hafing your own fafe buwied in your own ahms," Teddie mumbled as best as he could from within Kay's grasp. She let go of him, and fell back down onto the sleeping bag while he laid back onto his back.

"You know, I've been in mortal danger a few times too," she said. "Got accused of murder, had a gun to my head, got accused of murder _again_ while I also had amnesia... And I can't even say I saved the world while going through all that," she said in a humorously aggrieved tone.

"Well, I'm glad nothing _too_ bad happened to you in the end," Teddie said, looking at her. "And I'm sure you helped the lives of plenty of people when you helped solve all those crimes!"

"True. As they say, you shouldn't look down on yourself just because you haven't saved the world a few times before your twenties," she said before chuckling. Teddie chuckled too. "Anyway," she said before yawning. "I'm, like, seriously... tired."

"Yeah," Teddie said before also yawning. "Maybe we should just... shut up..."

"Indeed," Kay said before closing her eyes. "Good... night," she mumbled before groping around for Teddie's hand. Once she found it, she grasped it firmly and made a satisfied noise.

"You like holding hands that much, eh?" Teddie said quietly. Hearing no witty retort, he looked at Kay and noticed that she was fast asleep. "You sure fall asleep fast, sweetie," he said as he gently tightened his grip on her hand and laid down onto his back.

He then stayed awake for another two hours before managing to sleep.


	8. Wake Me (And You) Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay realizes she might be in trouble, and Teddie continues not realizing anything.

"Ahh. This is bliss," Kay whispered quietly to herself before taking a sip from her refreshingly cool glass of Orange Smash. She was relaxing on a poolside deck chair in a bikini that looked quite expensive, tanning away in peace as her personal manservant — who was also in a bikini for one reason or another — waved a palm frond to cool her down.

"Wave faster," she demanded before taking another sip. "And tell someone to bring me a new soda. This one's already flat."

"You're the boss, boss," the servant said obediently, doing a salute with one hand while inefficiently flailing the frond with the other.

"Good," she said before glancing at him over her shades. His blond hair danced in the sun gracefully as he flailed the palm frond with all the grace and finesse of a monkey trying to break a coconut against a rock. "You know... you kinda remind me of someone."

"And who might that be?" he asked, his bright blue eyes staring back at her the best they could as his head bobbed up and down, and sparkling droplets of sweat flew into various directions.

"Let's see," she said, trying her best to not get too distracted by his shiny, smooth, sweaty, slippery, succulent body. "You don't look like the mailman, or the dog from across the street, or the prime minister, so you must be-"

Her moment of personal revelation was rudely interrupted by the blare of an alarm clock. She half-opened her eyes and felt her left hand being gripped. Ignoring it for the moment, she groped around her nightstand with her right hand until she found some sort of a rectangle and slammed it until it shut up. She then rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Was that dream trying to say something?" she wondered quietly. "I don't think about Teddie like _that_ , do I?" She decided to ignore the warning signs from her subconscious for now, and fully opened her tired eyes. Very quickly, however, she felt that something was wrong.

Or, rather, that something _wasn't_ wrong.

She sat up, and strands of black hair quickly covered her vision.

"...Could it be?" she whispered to herself. She then looked at the floor, where Teddie was as sprawled as one can possibly be when they're in a sleeping bag, and she noticed she was holding his hand. "It could!" she yelled, waking him up.

"Whuh-whah-huh," he mumbled while quickly looking around. "What happened? Where? And why am I on the floor?"

"Why indeed," Kay said happily. She let go of his hand and took a handmirror out of her nightstand. She looked at it, and her smiling face was met with the same thing, but mirrored. She then handed the mirror to Teddie, who also looked at it, and his tired expression quickly brightened.

"Oh hey, it's me!" he said before taking a good look at Kay. "And you're you!" He sat up, and looked at Kay closer. "You look nice with your hair down, you know. Shame I don't see you like that very often."

"Gotta keep up the brand," she said, twirling her hair between her fingers. "You could say my hairpin is the _key_ to recognizing me."

Teddie stared at her blankly.

"...You know, because it's shaped like a key?"

"Ohh."

Teddie slowly crawled out of his sleeping bag, stood up, and stretched his arms and body as much as a human could, and then a bit more thanks to his bonelessness. Kay couldn't help but stare at his back, which she found quite nice, much like the rest of him. He wasn't exactly 'romance novel cover model' material, but it didn't bother Kay one bit. 

"Something wrong?" he asked, looking at the reflection of her 'interested' face in the mirror. "You're drooling a bit, I think."

"Whuh?" she mumbled before quickly wiping her mouth. "There's nothing _wrong_ , it's just that I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've seen you... like this," she said, getting a bit red. "You know, n-n-not quite fully dressed. I didn't really think about it when we were going to sleep, but..."

"But what?" Teddie asked gormlessly in all his half-naked glory while still stretching for some reason. After a moment of quiet, blank-stared contemplation, Kay threw off her covers, stood up, and attack-hugged — which is very distinct from glomping — Teddie from behind.

"Never mind," she said as she tightened her grip on him. "I'm just glad to be the slightly taller one again, sweetie."

"Heh heh," Teddie chuckled with a dumb grin on his face. "And I'm glad you're hugging me from behind." Kay wondered what he meant for a moment before looking down.

"Oh right, I have these again," she said, looking at her chest being smushed up against Teddie's back. "...Aww, now it got awkward."

"Doesn't bother me!" Teddie — whose arms were _still_ up — said. "I'm totally fine with staying like this for the rest of the day."

"I'm not sure I am," Kay said. "I mean, I don't _mind_ it, but imagine if someone walked in and saw us like this! I'd have to move to... New Zealand or something!" Teddie chuckled.

"No need to worry, sweetie. I locked the door before we went to sleep," he said proudly. Kay looked at the door, squinted her eyes, and noticed that it was distinctly unlocked.

"Uh-huh," she said dryly. Teddie also looked at the door, and after a few too many 'hmm's, figured it out.

"I... see," Kay said slightly nervously, not sure if she should ask him what on earth he was talking about. "So how long are you going to keep stretching?"

"I don't know! Your hug caused me to freeze like this, and now I can't help it!"

"Maybe this'll work," Kay said before she — and her chest — let go of him. Almost immediately, he slumped over so much that his fingers almost touched his toes. "Whoa. You alright?"

"Bearlieve it or not, but it's actually pretty tough to hold your arms up like that for that long," Teddie answered. "Even if you've got your girlfriend behind you. Ehe he he."

"Ha ha," Kay said flatly. "Anyway, now that I can finally cross 'have a half-naked hug with Teddie' off my bucket list, _we should get some freakin' clothes on_."

"Why is that on your bucket list?" Teddie asked. "And what's a bucket list?"

"'Twas a joke, bear," she answered before throwing his shirt on his face. "Please get dressed before I get distracted again."

* * *

After they managed to get dressed without anyone barging in through the still-unlocked door, the duo went downstairs to grab some breakfast. As they walked into the kitchen, Kay noticed a couple of plates with sandwiches on them.

"I wonder if these are for us," she said, looking around to see if she could spot Gilda to ask. She didn't, and upon turning back, she noticed that Teddie was already chowing down on one. "Can't wait five seconds, can ya?" she asked him jovially before walking up to the kitchen counter to pour a couple cups of coffee. "The usual?" she asked. Teddie sat down, nodded, and then shrugged.

"Goffa ead when dere's foof," Teddie said with his mouth full. Kay looked at him in all his crumb-spewing glory with a displeased look on her face and gently shook her head.

"What have I told you, honey?" she said in a playful, yet slightly threatening, tone as she poured approximately half a cup of milk into Teddie's mug and followed it with three sugars.

"...Feef my mouf fhuf fen eefing," he mumbled. He then swallowed, and quickly wolfed down the rest of the 'wich. After letting out a pleased sigh, he turned his gaze towards Kay's food. "...You gonna eat that?" he asked, doing his best puppy dog impression. Kay walked back to the table with the coffee cups, put one in front of herself and the other in front of Teddie, looked him directly into his cute, innocent, sparkling eyes, grabbed the sandwich, and took a bite.

"Yes," she said bluntly after swallowing the bite. She then ate most of the sandwich and drank most of the coffee without breaking eye contact, while Teddie's expression got a little sadder with each bite. When there was only one biteful left, Kay looked at it for a moment and then pushed it against Teddie's pouting lips. "I'm only giving this to you because I feel bad about my dream, okay?"

"Your what now?" Teddie asked before quickly chewing down the rest of the sandwich like a squirrel.

"Oh, right, you wouldn't know about my dreams, would you?" She leaned back and sighed. "Okay, so I had this dream where I was lounging at a pool, and you were my lowly servant. Kinda weird, huh? Oh, and you were wearing a bikini too, for some reason." She then downed the rest of his coffee and looked at Teddie, expecting his expression to be at least mildly concerned. Instead, he was smiling goofily as usual, holding his coffee cup with both hands like one does.

"Sounds good to me," he said between his coffee sips. "Even the bikini!" Kay raised an eyebrow.

"You wouldn't mind being a 'lowly servant'?"

"Not if I was serving you, sweetie!"

"I should've known you'd say that," Kay said quietly before subtly sliding her coffee cup in front of Teddie. "Well, if you're feeling submissive, take the cups to the sink for me." Teddie drank the rest of his coffee in one gulp and placed his cup on the table.

"Ehhhhhhhh," he whined, "I don't feel like it right now." Kay sighed, took the cups from the table, and couldn't help but wonder why her subconscious would _ever_ interpret Teddie as anything close to 'subservient'. She dunked the cups into the sink and sat back down.

"So, how do you think we transformed back?" she asked, not expecting much of an answer. Teddie pulled a chocolate bar out of his sleeve and began munching on it as he scratched his chin in thought. After he finished the bar — and licked clean his now-chocolatey chin-scratching hand — he slammed his fist onto the table.

"I got it!" he proclaimed, not impressing Kay very much. "It's because we held hands all night!"

"Would that _really_ cause our souls to shift back or whatever?"

"If you've got a bear-ter idea, I'm all ears," Teddie said before pulling out a bag of trail mix from his pocket. "Mmm, nuts," he said, and poured approximately a quarter of the hefty bag's contents into his mouth.

"Well, I mean, I don't, but... I just can't accept such a flimsy excuse, okay!?" she yelled at no-one in particular. She then put her hand in front of Teddie. "Gimme some." Teddie poured a handful of the mix onto Kay's hand, and she began slowly nibbling away at the pile of supposedly healthy foodstuffs (and chocolate).

"Dhad's jusd how wife is sometimef," Teddie mumbled through all the nuts in his mouth. Kay shot a deadly glare at him, and he instantly swallowed. "Y-You know, mysterious. You're a big fan of mysteries, so shouldn't you be happy, if anything?" Kay threw the rest of her mix into her mouth and wiped her hand clean on her skirt. She then gently ruffled Teddie's hair while eating.

"It's a bit different when it happens to _me_ ," she said, "but I guess you're not _entirely_ incorrect. You know, maybe I should leverage this into something. Embellish a few details, make some stuff up, and turn it into one of those 'spooky fake website' creepypastas."

"I like pasta," Teddie said with a smile on his face. Kay couldn't help but smile too, even if for a slightly different reason.

"Did you enjoy the sandwiches?" Gilda suddenly asked out of nowhere. Kay and Teddie turned to look at her, and noticed that she was in outdoor clothes.

"Yeah!" Teddie answered enthusiastically. "Much bear-ter than what Yosuke makes! Not that his sandwiches are _bad_ or anything, buuuut..."

"I... think I'm glad to hear that," Gilda replied. "How about you, dear?" Kay lifted two thumbs in response.

"Excellent as usual, grandma," she said. "Oh, by the way, Teddie doesn't have to stay here any longer. They got their stuff in order. It's all better now."

"Why, that's wonderful news!" Gilda said enthusiastically. "Well, anyway, we're going now. There's some food in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Thanks," Kay said. Gilda and Gilbert both walked out the front door, but before she shut it, Gilda popped her head through the gap.

"Oh, and one more thing, dear," she said to Kay.

"Yes?"

"We _did_ have food for four," she said in a gentle tone before closing the door after her. Kay looked at Teddie with a confused expression.

"...What did she mean by _that_?"

"Hmm," Teddie hmmed. "When we told them about the whole sleepover thing, didn't she say that there wasn't enough food?" Kay looked at the fridge.

"Yeah, so they went out to get some."

"Yeah," Teddie said, also turning his gaze towards the fridge.

"Out," Kay whispered. "Out... Outside... Out of the house... House... House. Why does that sound so... disturbing?"

"I don't know. Our house is anything but!"

"Your house, huh," Kay said, dread slowly filling her voice. "Your house... your... house... the Hanamura household..."

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Teddie asked.

" _They know_."

"Know what?"

" _That your house didn't burn down_ , you dingus!"

Teddie stared blankly into the distance for a moment before he seemingly had a lucid thought.

"Oh right, they could just go check!"

"Which I imagine they _did_ ," Kay said sourly. "Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't _you_ think of that?"

"Hey, don't blame me!" Teddie protested. "It was _your_ idea, and you know I don't think!" Kay let out a long sigh, and patted Teddie on the shoulder.

"You're right, honey. I'm sorry," she said before firmly planting her head on the table forehead first.

"Hey, you don't have to bow down for _moi_."

"I didn't," Kay said, her voice slightly muffled due to her face caressing the table. "I did this because I'm in despair."

"Ohh," Teddie said. "...So why _are_ you in des-bear? A little white lie never hurt anyone."

"Didn't I already tell you?" Kay said exasperatedly, her voice still muffled. "A boy and a girl having a sleepover together is already... _suspicious_ , but the fact that we lied about it makes it, like, five times worse. At least!"

"I see, I see," Teddie said while nodding, still not quite understanding what Kay was talking about. "So, what now?"

"We're moving to New Zealand."


	9. Kay and Teddie Move to New Zealand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this exciting chapter, a lot of things happen.

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" Teddie asked, showing some kind of sense for once.

"...Maybe you're right," Kay conceded.


	10. Kay and Teddie Cancel Their Moving Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yosuke experiences a lot of anguish, which makes this an average day for him.

"Well, now I'm weird in the eyes of Janey _and_ my grandparents," Kay said glumly. Her head drooped forward and she let out a big sigh. "Great."

"Don't worry," Teddie said, patting her shoulder. "You're not weird to me!"

"Am I _really_ not?" she asked, her head still drooping. Teddie thought about his next words very carefu- haha, just kidding.

"Well, maybe a little bit," he said, shrugging with his free hand. Kay lifted her head, looked him in the eye, and without saying a word, hugged him. Teddie was taken aback by this sudden turn of events, but quickly regained his composure and hugged her back. "What's this for?" he asked quietly.

"Like I've told you, I love your sincerity," Kay answered tenderly. "And the rest of you too, of course. Mostly. You could really learn to clean a bit, you know."

"Aww. I love you too, sweetie," Teddie said, half of Kay's speech having gone in through one ear and out the other. "You know what I could _really_ go for right now?"

"...Chocolate?"

"That too, but I was thinking of a kiss."

"Oh yeah, we've got our own faces back," Kay said nonchalantly and touched her nose. "Well, if it's no problem to you..." she continued before kissing him. They locked lips and hugged each other very intensely for a while.

"Wow, that felt good!" Teddie said after they let go of each other(s' lips). "Feels like it's been ages since we did it with such... _passion_!"

"About three days, I think," Kay responded. "...Not that I keep track or anything," she then mumbled, gently wiping her lips. Teddie leaned back on his chair and looked at the clock.

"Oh hey, it's already 11," he said. "I should go home soon. I bet Yosuke's worried sick about me!"

"I could see him feeling a bit unwell, but I don't think it'd be because of worry," Kay said mischievously.

"What, then?"

"Jealousy, you dummy," Kay answered before gently flicking Teddie's forehead with her finger. "Didn't we already go over this?"

"I still don't really get _why_ he'd be jealous, but if you say so..."

"Oh, you'll see," Kay said before letting out an ominous chuckle. "You'll see..."

* * *

Not very long after, the dynamic duo arrived at Teddie's distinctly unburnt front door. He opened it, let Kay go in first like the proper gentleman he is, and entered after her. 

"I'm hoooooooome," he announced triumphantly. A clunk was heard, then a thunk, then some clonking and clanging, and finally, Yosuke's room's door swung wide open and he ran to the front door like a puppy who had been waiting for its owner all day. "Hi, Yosuke!" Teddie said to him once he was in sight. Yosuke was about to say something back, but then he noticed that Kay was there too, and his apparent remark quickly turned into indecipherable babbling.

"What's the matter? Crow got your tongue?" Kay asked him, a smug grin plastered on her face. He desperately flailed his hands and let out various mouth-noises that almost sounded like words, but no matter how hard he seemingly tried, he couldn't string together a coherent sentence. Eventually, he resorted to the only thing he knew he could trust; the brotherly bond between himself and Teddie. He placed his hand on Teddie's shoulder, looked him in the eye with the most determined look he had had on his face in a while, and hoped for the best.

However, as is generally known, Teddie doesn't pick up on social cues very well, and Yosuke's implied, non-verbal question about last night's events went completely over his head. He kept smiling gormlessly at Yosuke, and if emotions were able to manifest themselves physically, a question mark would definitely have been floating above his head.

"Hmm? Are you hungry, maybe?" Teddie asked Yosuke innocently. He dug into his pocket, found a wrapped chocolate confection, unwrapped it, and put it into Yosuke's mouth. Yosuke chewed on it silently as he kept gazing into Teddie's eyes, his expression growing more and more desperate by the second. "Oh, I know," Teddie said suddenly, looking like he had realized something truly earth-shattering. "You want to know about the sleepover!"

Yosuke nodded, though he did it so intensely that it looked more like subdued headbanging.

"Well, we played video games, and ate, and watched Ninja Jammer while we were eating, and we brushed our teeth, and went to bed, and talked about all kinds of stuff," Teddie explained. Yosuke listened intensely, but the distinct lack of 'juicy deets' left him looking a bit unimpressed. "Wanna hear about today too?" Teddie asked him. He shrugged and nodded. "Well, when I was doing my morning stretches, Kay-chan hugged me from behind!" Yosuke raised a curious eyebrow, while Kay's face quickly shifted from 'smug self-satisfaction' to 'I think I know where this is going' (and not the good kind). Teddie raised his hands up to his face, and his expression became quite elated as he began describing the next part. "You see, the thing about that was that we didn't have our clothes on yet, so I could feel her-"

" _ **Ahem**_ ," Kay coughed very sharply, very suddenly, very angrily. Teddie instantly went quiet and tense and let out an ' _eep_ ', while Yosuke didn't even register her exasperation because his mind was laser-focused on what Teddie had just said. In a span of about 10 seconds, he thought the following:

"Oh man, did he- did he just say _they didn't have their clothes on_!? That has to mean, like, they still had their underwear on, right? They wouldn't be completely naked in the morning, would they? And- and- and he said that he could feel her... _what_? If she hugged him from behind, and they weren't wearing clothes, and she got snappy because of what he was about to say... did he mean... could he have meant... he couldn't _possibly_ mean..."

Yosuke grabbed both of Teddie's shoulders and began shaking him as he looked into his eyes in desperation. "What did you feel?" he demanded to know. "WHAT DID YOU FEEL!?" Teddie, however, stood stoicly in face of this assault and didn't budge an inch, apart from all the inches he budged because of the shaking. "You can't leave me hanging out to dry like _this_ , man! We're basically brothers, aren't we?"

Kay didn't exactly mind seeing Yosuke anguish over such a trivial matter, but she also didn't want to create any actual tension between the brothers, so she decided to trust in Teddie.

"Eh, just tell him," she said to Teddie. "Don't embellish it too much, though."

"Gotcha!" Teddie replied. "Where was I... oh yeah," he mumbled before he grabbed Yosuke's shoulder in return and smiled brightly at him. "Her boobs!"

Yosuke stared back in silence, unblinking, for about ten seconds before the gears in his head finally turned enough to register what Teddie had just said. He looked at Kay, who was facepalming in exasperation, distinctly confirming that Teddie had indeed spoken the truth. He turned back to Teddie, and drooped his head.

"N-Nice job, bro," he said in a voice that sounded a bit like he was on the verge of tears. "I'm not j-j-jealous or anything." He lifted his hand and gave Teddie a thumbs up. "See? I'm congratulating you and... and I'm not the _least_ bit jelly that you got to experience something like that before me, okay!?"

"Good to know!" Teddie said, ignorant to the truth behind Yosuke's words as usual. "And thanks! I'm sure you'll find someone to hug you like that soon." He let go of Yosuke's shoulder and rubbed his chin in thought. "At least I hope so. You look a bit pathetic like that." Kay let out a very un-subtle snicker in the background.

"...Thanks, bro. I needed that," Yosuke replied in a tone that was equal parts sarcastic and genuine. He lifted his head, wiped his eyes for no particular reason, and began walking back to his room, still slouching sadly. Kay almost felt a little bit sorry for him — and didn't want any weird rumors to spread, of course — so she decided to correct his presumed misunderstanding.

"You know," she said, causing Yosuke to stop in his tracks, "I wasn't _completely_ naked, if that's what you thought, so don't get any weird ideas."

" _Ohh_. That makes sense," Yosuke said slightly less glumly than before, and straightened his posture. "I'm still jealous, though," he grumbled before disappearing from sight.

"Heh. If he's that upset about it, that must mean I've finally accomplished something worth bragging about. Everything's coming up Teddie!"

"You sure have, you rascal, you. Now c'mere!" Kay said playfully, spreading her arms. Teddie jumped into them, and she embraced him. Very soon after, she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to punish you later for this," she whispered into his ear ominously.

"Ooh. How?" he asked, a curious smile on his face.

"You're not... supposed to be excited about being punished," she whispered, confused. "I'm going to, uh... steal something from you." She tried to think of anything valuable that he might own, but came up with absolutely nothing. Looking around them, she noticed a chocolate wrapper under the table, and decided it was good enough. She let go of him and straightened herself to appear noticeably taller — and thus more menacing — than him. She then poked him on the chest. "As a punishment for your lack of tact, I'm going to steal your snacks. Yeah, that sounds about right. I am _so_ going to eat your snacks."

"I don't mind!" Teddie responded cheerily. "Sharing is caring, after all!"

"B-But you're _supposed_ to care," Kay said exasperatedly. "It's not much of a punishment if you don't care, is it?"

"...I guess," Teddie said, scratching his head.

"So is there _anything_ you definitely wouldn't want anyone to steal from you?" Kay asked. Teddie racked his brain really hard for a moment, and then pointed a finger at Kay.

"You!"

"Aww, that's sweet," Kay said, her heart all aflutter, briefly forgetting that she was in the middle of dispensing discipline. "Sadly, while I might indeed be The Great Thief Yatagarasu, capable of stealing dang near anything, I can't exactly steal _myself_. Got anything else?"

"Well," he said before leaning to whisper into Kay's ear in turn, "I've got some special snacks stashed away. If anything happened to those, I'd get _so_ mad."

"Special snacks, eh?" Kay said mischievously, contemplating a plan of action already.

"You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?" Teddie asked, furrowing his brow. "I'm serious about getting mad, okay? Those snacks are special. _Special_!"

"Right, right," Kay said, doing a calming motion with her hands. "I wouldn't steal them if they're _that_ important to you." She straightened her scarf, and stood still for a little while. "So, uh, anything else?"

"Hmm... Well, I ate half a pack of these neat cookies yesterday, and I kinda liked them, and I'd like to eat the rest of them too, s-"

"Gotcha," Kay said before breaking into a sprint towards Teddie's room. She entered quite dynamically, surprising Yosuke.

"What now?" he asked.

"Oh, don't mind me," Kay said as she walked up to Teddie's closet and started rummaging around. "I'm just a lil' ol' thief."

"Oh, okay," Yosuke said before turning back to his laptop. "I'm not going to participate in your silly little roleplay session."

"It's not... ugh, forget it," Kay grumbled. After throwing aside some pants and shirts, she finally found what she was looking for, a half-eaten pack of cookies. "Vanilla, eh? I was expecting something a bit more fancy for how highly you spoke of these."

"I only said I _kinda_ liked them," Teddie, who had just arrived, said. "But if this is the cross I have to _bear_ for my sins, so be it." He collapsed onto his knees and looked up at Kay. "Take my cookies. Take my life. _Take everything from meeeeeeeee_."

"I'll... make do with the cookies, thanks," Kay said, wondering why Teddie had suddenly gotten so dramatic.

"Come on, you should roleplay too. That's what we're doing, right?"

"Ohh," Kay said as a figurative lightbulb lit above her head. "You heard what Yosuke said, huh."

"Exactly!" Teddie said and jumped up. "I play the role of the poor, innocent — and quite handsome — guy who has cookies, and you play the evil lady who steals them."

"...Okay then," Kay said. She took out a cookie and started eating it. "I'm going to do this to _all_ of them and there's _nothing_ you can do to stop me!"

" _Noooo_ ," Teddie cried out, covering his eyes with his hands. Yosuke turned away from his computer and let out an annoyed growl.

"Will you two stop it!? I'm trying to focus here," he said. "Go play somewhere else if you feel the need to."

"Pfft. You're just jealous because you don't have anyone to roleplay with, aren't you?" Teddie asked. Yosuke turned back to his computer in silence. "I think I got him."

"Good job," Kay said, holding a thumb up. "Anyway, I think I'm going to go now. With your cookies."

"O-Okay. Bye bye, cookies," he said and waved at them, a single tear leaving a wet streak down his left cheek. Kay sighed, pulled out one cookie out of the package, and handed it to Teddie.

"Try not to eat it in one bite, okay? It's big."

"No promises," Teddie said bluntly. Kay's brow furrowed a bit.

"I sure hope Yosuke can do the Heimlich maneuver, then," she said, not trusting in Teddie's eating habits very much. "In any case, gonna go now. Love ya!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and jogged out the room.

"I must be the happiest bear on Earth," Teddie said gently, caressing the spot she had kissed. He then shoved the cookie into his mouth in one piece.

* * *

After Kay left the Hanamura household, she realized she had a choice to make; should she go home, or should she go buy stuff? As she was leaning against the front door and pondering her situation, Janine walked by towards Junes. Kay decided that this _had_ to be a divine sign, and walked briskly after her.

"Hi, Janey!" Kay yelled, waving at her. She stopped and turned around.

"...Hi, Kayby," she responded carefully. "What... might you be doing?"

"Going to Junes like you, I presume."

"Hm." Janine gazed at the sky in thought for a moment, and then placed her hand on Kay's shoulder. "Can I ask you a question?" Kay sighed.

"Is this about yesterday? I _swear_ it wasn't anything weird."

"It's not," Janine said. She tightened her grip on Kay's shoulder and scrunched her face. "I just have to know; are you being, uh... un-faithful?"

Kay's face quickly contorted into an expression that could only be described as 'a confused mess'. "W-Whuh?" she asked. "What on Earth gave you _that_ idea!?"

"Well, that _is_ the Hanamura household, isn't it?" Janine asked carefully. Kay's face instantly uncontorted itself back into a blank slate as she very quickly realized where Janine's thought process had gone awry.

"...You're lacking a few details," Kay said very flatly before explaining Teddie's living situation in a nutshell. Upon hearing it, Janine bowed deeply.

"I'm _so_ sorry," she said. "I mean, to be fair, you _should_ probably have told me before, but still... sorry."

"It's fine," Kay said jovially. "Honestly, I'm not as insulted by the implication of being a cheater as I am by the implication of doing said cheating with _Yosuke_ , of all people."

"Haha _ha_... yeah," Janine said. "Who'd want _that_ , am I right?" Kay found Janine's tone a bit odd.

"Is there _something_ you'd like to share?" she asked. Janine looked at her like she'd look at an expired 10% off coupon for iceberg salad; very indifferently.

"No."

"Oh, come on, Janey," Kay continued in a jovial tone, poking her with her elbow. "You can tell me if you like someone."

"Y-Yeah, totally," Janine muttered under her breath. "The only 'like' I have right now is that I'd _like_ to get to Junes. I'm freakin' starving."

"Oh, right. Sorry," Kay said, remembering that Janine was walking towards Junes when they met. "Well, let's go then. My treat..."

"Really?"

"...if you'll tell me about _your cruuush_."

"No."

"Aww."

And thus, they went shopping while Yosuke whapped Teddie on the head with a rolled-up newspaper for almost choking on a cookie once again.


End file.
